Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Letter to My Ex. Boyfriends

This post was inspired by MaKupsy (and you should go and check out her blog). She went through each relationship she had, how it affected her, and what she learnt from it. It also showed her the mistakes she made in each, and that's what inspired me to do it. It feels almost like confession, and definitely appeals to Catholic me. And I believe this exercise will help me in moving on once and for all from these relationships.

I am sure the exes I will mention do not read this blog, but if you recognize yourself here, well, its a two way thing. Here it goes...

Ex 1 (aka T). Hi T. You were my first boyfriend. We started dating when I was form 3 and you were upper 6. I had so many of my firsts from you, first kiss, first marriage proposal, first betrayal. Who knew when we started dating how much this relationship would mould my way of thinking on how relationships should be? I certainly didn't. You are a great guy. You were broke, but just did little things to show me you loved me. You are the one that taught me that material things don't matter when you really care for someone, its the little things and actions that count. Most of all, we were friends. We could just hang out without any lovey dovey stuff, and we never ran out of things to talk about. This all ended when you got tired of waiting for me while I was at boarding school, and cheated on me with my cousin's friend. Yes, we got back together and I ended up cheating on you with K because I still wasn't over that incident. I am thankful we are still friends even up to now, since you have a level head on your shoulders, and give good advice.

Ex 2 (aka K). K, oh K. In all truth, I was madly in love with you. I don't even know how I managed to get over you, but thank God I did. You were the guy I lost my virginity to. You were also the guy who didn't stand by me when things went haywire. You were the cause of my trust issues. I never trusted a guy completely after you shattered my heart. Sounds very exaggerated I know, but to a teenager (yes, I was a teenager), it felt like it. But thanks to you, I learnt not to completely trust any guy, and to be careful who I have sex with. So thanks for that. And stop texting me, I am not going to have sex with you ever again. I am now wiser, and its all thanks to you.

Ex 3 (aka K2). We did not have a traditional relationship. I was your sidechick. But, I will include you because we had this situationship for a year and a lot happened that taught me a lot. When we started getting involved, I didn't know I was your sidechick. I thought you had broken up with your girlfriend after her semester in Kenya was over. Yes, I was dumb enough to believe that. When I found out (thanks to good ol' Facebook) that you were still together, I was honestly hurt. I decided that what was sauce for the gander was sauce for the goose, so I started dating another guy. When you found out, after that day trip to Ol Pejeta, all hell broke loose. You actually pulled my hair and threatened to hit me. My friend actually had to threaten you to stop you from ever laying a violent finger on me again. But I have to admit, the sexual side of the relationship was good. You taught me how to be less inhibited and enjoy sex. And you also taught me that no matter how good the sex is, a toxic relationship will always be toxic. And you taught me that toxic relationships block you off from appreciating the good relationships one can potentially have. C'est la vie.

Ex 4 (aka P). You were my token long distance relationship. I really made an effort to communicate with you and try to bridge the distance. Skype, Whatsapp, any social network was used to just help me talk to you. We were great friends, one thing that helped a lot in the earlier part of our separation. But I guess the fact that I didn't give up on taking my dream job, and stay in Zim to bear your babies pissed you off, so you decided to cheat. Long story short, you taught me that long distance relationships require similar effort from both people involved, and one person can't be committed enough for both.

Ex 5 (aka T2). I can write a whole lot about you and the relationship we had. After all, our relationship is the freshest one in my mind. I should have spotted a major red flag when you dumped your current girlfriend and started hitting on me. I just thought, he's a decent guy, but I should have known that's your MO, dump the current for the latest flavor of the month. If you were wealthy, you would have a string of divorced trophy wives behind you. But I was blinded, and at the time had my own issues, and ignored it. The relationship went on for a few months, with red flags popping up a lot. Like when you posted a profile pic of you up close and personal with two girls. When I asked you, you said they were your cousins. I just shut up, which in retrospect was a bad idea. Anyway, it all ended when you broke up with me claiming I was too uptown for you, and how I deserve a guy of my class. I smelt a rat, and called you out on your BS, asking you whether the reason was that you found someone new (remember I knew your MO).  But you denied it, still trying to keep your ''decent guy'' persona intact. It was confirmed when our mutual friend stopped hanging out as much with you, because he wasn't happy with what you did. You taught me to assess a guy's past, and see if it raises red flags before getting into a relationship with him. You also taught me not to get involved witha person just to fill empty gaps in my life.

Thank you all for the lessons. After all, you helped in making me a stronger person who won't settle for BS because I am filling empty gaps in my life, or because I am on the rebound, or because I want to have revenge on someone. You taught me that I have to love myself and know what I want.

3 comments:

  1. It must have taken a lot of guts to write this post. Respect.
    That's the way forward- learn a life lesson and move on

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Sandra. It was more like therapy for me, since I just got out of a relationship. Thanks for reading :)

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  2. I agree with Sandra, putting yourself out there like that takes a lot. Thank you for being so open, and giving us a different perspective of you :-) I thoroughly enjoyed the read. Onwards and upwards with all the lessons learned!

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